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Being honest with kids.

I have an eight year old step son, we see him often, but never for more than an afternoon, he isn't allowed to do overnights so because of this we can't take him on holidays. We recently went to the gold coast, his dad asked if ss could go, but was told no. Last night on the phone ss asked his dad why he didn't get to go with us, dad said it's a bit tricky because you can't stay over night. Ss is upset with us, his bloody mum told him we went on a holiday without him. Would it be wrong to tell ss if he mentions it again it's because his mum won't let him come?

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Answers (9)

What a situation. You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t here. My question is why only afternoons and can that be changed? My advice is is not to get ss in the middle of it. I would just say we would love you to come and we are going to work on you being able to stay over night. It puts it back on the mum with out directly blaming her and if you are seen to be making an effort it hopefully won’t effect SS’s relationship with his dad.

 THIS
helpful (0) 
 Thanks will do this.
helpful (0) 

No I don't think it would be wrong to tell him the truth. You're not really protecting his feelings or wellbeing by covering for his mums bullshit. Just say "sorry mate, we did ask your mum if you could come, but she said no". You're not being malicious by being honest, and it will help him understand

 Agree. If his mum has a problem with admitting her decision about overnight stays, then it shouldn’t be your problem.
helpful (3) 
 Thanks
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Apply to court for shared parental responsibility and get some over nights in the orders. A judge will never say no especially if she is doing this for her own gain and child support

 Unless the child isn't ready. Its unfair to force a child to do overnights if they a) aren't ready and b) don't want to. Forcing a child to stay overnight ruins the relationship I know from personal experience. A child isn't a possession it should be up to them not the parents or a judge and yes I've been through courts too!
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 No it shouldn't be up to the child. Parental alienation is way too common because alienators brain wash the child into believing they don't want to go to their other parents, you have to encourage your child unless the other parents house is seriously unsafe with drug use or suspected abuse.
helpful (5) 
 Yep. Happens more than you know.
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 Yes, it's easy to do without realising it. My ex and I split up and it was a messy split. I didn't say anything bad about their dad, but they saw I was upset, and their lifestyle changed, and they hated their dad for it.
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 And the longer the mother controls everything the harder it is for dad.
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I don't think it is wrong to tell him the truth.

If the bio mum thinks it is in his best interests for him to not go on the trip, she should be able to explain this to her son.

Yes, it may cause a little tension between the two of you. But honesty is best for your step son. Better he be a bit cranky with his bio mum, then feel like you don't want him around.

 Its really his dads job to tell him the truth
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I would say we would love you to come, but you need to ask your mum

Careful as technically you shouldn’t and aren’t allowed to involve or expose children to adult matters. Apply to court they see a child having a healthy relationship and time with both as extremely important.

But you may have family report etc and you don’t want him saying you guys have said anything bad. Let it all come back on her.

Know how you feel and good luck xx

Why no overnights (child support assessments???)

 Unfortunately yes.
helpful (1) 
 ^^Can you explain what this means please? I have no experience with child support, so just wondering.
helpful (1) 
 Mum won't let him stay overnight so she gets more child support by the sounds of it. Op why hasn't your husband gone through mediation or a lawyer? Probably a good time for it.
helpful (6) 
 Yes child support like to see both parents having a percentage of care
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Hows it going OP? Has he asked about it any further?

Its a no brainer tell him the truth mum said he couldn't. That you asked and were told no. Secondly time for court papers he obviously wants to do more and mum prevents it so go to court for papers