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How do I have the puberty talk with my 11yo son? (Single Mum)

I’m a single mum with basically no male support system, and I think my son is starting to hit puberty (mood swings, emotional, sensitive). I have no idea how to even broach the topic with him, yes we’re close, but what boy wants to talk to his mum about puberty/sex??? I don’t want to just hand him a book or a link to something, he will, naturally, have questions which I’m happy to answer.
I’m just unsure how to bring it up and make him feel comfortable enough to ask questions and know he can come to me.
I’m sitting here in tears as I’m so lost and confused!
Please help!!!!

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Answers (10)

Talk about respect and consent. Explain that every sexual activity needs to be explicitly consented to by both partners. Make sure he knows that he doesnt have to feel pressured to have sex, as well just because he is a boy.

 Also, mention that porn is staged and not a good example of how people actually have sex. Sadly most 11 year old boys would have seen porn so you really need to touch on this respectfully.
helpful (3) 

Go to https://sexedrescue.com/ This is a website created by Cath Hakansen who is a midwife and has some fabulous resources and guidance for helping parents to talk to their children about sex from all ages-throughly recommend!

There is this great book called "the chat". Quiet detailed but very appropriate. It's written particularly for boys.

I would suggest
* speak to his teacher to find out when the will be having puberty talks for health.
Teacher may have useful resources for you
* when he has a mood swing next time. Just say something casually "oh you must be hitting puberty as you have these moods swings" then you have the subject raised casually and then it can lead to further talks.
Do you have a close male friend he can talk to?
I am a single mum of 4 boys and we have had casual chats. Once the subject has been casually raised they have been open to continuing talks with.
I have always tried to be open and honest with them.
We often have comedy conversations about it to make them feel at ease.
Make sure you tell your son thatvyou are open to any of his questions and that NO questions are stupid or silly and if you dont know the answer or an easy way to answer then suggest you google together to get an answer. This will also teach him appropriate website to gain sexual information from should he ever look for himself.

 He had puberty class last term but as hes in grade 5 they only touched briefly on hormomes. I did ask if he had any questions/wanted to talk n he said no. Having said that he can be reluctant to talk to me for fear of upsetting me or he may have been embarrassed. I will speak to his teacher n see if she can help. I might try n relate his next mood swing back to how I have them too n that its normal n both r caused by hormones just different types. I spoke with my sister to ask her partner to chat to him n he doesn’t feel comfortable as he doesn’t think my son likes him which is false but whole other story. I do have a close male friend but he can be very blunt n is set in his beliefs some of which we differ in. I know its going to be best coming from me I was just struggling to find an opening, and you provided the perfect one! Thank you so much, you have no idea how much you’ve helped and turned a crappy day into not so crappy lol ❤️
helpful (1) 
 Answerer here... good luck. It is hard but the more relaxed you are the more relaxed you son will be.
helpful (0) 

My boy and I get along great and have the same sense of humour. We like to joke around. I said to him one day, “ hey dude, you got ball hairs yet”. He cracked up laughing and it opened the way to a conversation. Obviously we had a serious conversation, but it made him feel comfortable to talk to me. Maybe don’t sit and have a long conversation, just snippets here and there when you feel the timing is right.

 Agree with the humour approach. My sister asked me a few questions after she had sex ed at school because her mum completely shut her out and refuses to talk about anything puberty or sex related. Sister is 11 and yeah I was happy to answer any of her questions, and I had a friend here as well who was also happy to talk to her as well. We made it funny and fun and she said she was happy I didn't make a big deal of it being a "serious" conversation. I told her it is very serious, but you're more likely to remember it if I can make it fun too. I hope my kids are as comfortable with me as my sister is (yeah I know, I'm dreaming haha)
helpful (1) 

OP asked for advice on puberty talk NOT a sex talk. No wonder kids are more promiscuous these days if at 10 they are taught that sex is great and as long as you have consent go for it.

 😂 i actually said tell them that they shouldnt feel pressured to have sex just because they are boys but whatever...most 11 year old boys have seen porn so its completely relevant
helpful (0) 
 Op clearly said her son is 11 not 10
helpful (0) 

Boys don't really need a puberty talk.. A book or website will be fine. You tube videos can be used to learn how ro shave. That is how my son learned.

 of course they need a puberty talk! All teenagers need to learn about safe sex, consent and respectful relationships for a start!
helpful (4) 
 Why don't boys need a puberty talk but girls do?their bodies goes through just as many changes
helpful (2) 
 Girls go through a lot more changes than boys do.
helpful (0) 
 Thats ridiculous logic though. It doesnt mean boys dont need a talk.
helpful (2) 
 Boys need to learn about what happens to girls bodies too, in order to be functional adults.
helpful (3) 
 Completely agree with you, my son doesn’t need the puberty talk he’s not stupid, they do still teach basic biology in school these days thank god
helpful (0) 
 You women saying boys don't need a puberty talk are the reason for so much wrong with the world today 🤦‍♀️
helpful (2) 
 Yeah I'm sure they'll figure it from watching porn (which is exactly the same as real sex and gives totally realistic expectations) chatting to their mates (who know everything, are honest about their experiences and would never brag or exaggerate) and their bio textbook (which goes into great detail about relationships, integrity and emotional maturity).

Honestly. Do your job as a parent and give them some guidance. This is why we get ten year olds sexting in school toilets.

helpful (4) 
 ^^2up, oh wow you can make up insults and put a little picture from your phone. Aren't you precious!
helpful (0) 
 Pick the mums with the clueless sons
helpful (1) 
 ^^ 2 up. Obviously not as precious as you to have been so triggered by my comment. Hit a nerve did I sweetie?
helpful (0) 
 Nope, no nerves here, i don't have a son. But my neighbours son was accused of rape at 14.because he didn't know about consent and he had to leave his school. Decent Parents have the responsibility of making sure their kids are informed about respect and consent or it may backfire on their own sons even if they are too selfish to care about the females they may sleep with
helpful (0) 
 Not to mention BOYs can be raped or assualted too. Some people on here seem too thick to realise this
helpful (1) 

I just recently found condoms in my 14 year old son’s bag and due to some other evidence coming to light know he’s having sex (but not wanting a girlfriend) I’ve never had a puberty / sex talk with him as the school does that when they’re around 11-12 yrs old about protection...I personally don’t think it’s a big deal and don’t feel comfortable talking about those things anyway, there’s really no need since they figure out those sorts of things sooner or later. I’d be more concerned if I had a girl (thankfully I don’t) because I’d be worried sick about pregnancy.

 Are you not concerned about the girl your son may get pregnant? He may not be the one carrying the baby but he would still be responsible. And if he’s young that responsibility may fall partly on you.
helpful (4) 
 Well if he was caught with conforms wouldn’t logic say they’re there to be used?
helpful (0) 
 Slack parenting.
helpful (2) 
 Thankfully you don't have a Girl? Christ on a bike i feel sorry for your son
helpful (3) 

When you're driving in the car somewhere is a good time. 1) You're both looking at the road so no eye contact and 2) he's a captive audience. I personally think it's easier and less awkward to give some very basic details along the lines of "I know it's pretty embarrassing to hear this from your mum, but you've probably noticed your body's started to go through some changes, here are some things you can expect, blah blah blah, it's all normal" and then give him a book or some leaflets with more information. Making it clear he can come and ask you if he's got any questions.
If and when he does ask questions make sure you answer clearly & honestly even if it's embarrassing, don't fob him off or be vague.