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What to do when parents can't agree on what to name a child?

I just had a boy, and apparently as he is the first boy (in this generation of cousins) he has to be named after his great uncle (every oldest boy is). It's an awful name and I have said I really don't want to name the child that. He can have that as a middle name just not the first name. It's causing a lot of stress.

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Answers (13)

Do what you want to. Give him the middle name, and call him what you want to. He's your son. If they don't like it, tough. I'm sorry but who the f**k tries to dictate what someone calls their child. My son is the only boy in his generation too, so we picked the name we wanted. Both families bombarded us with names but we went with our choice.

 Uuum his father
helpful (1) 
 It’s easy to pass on this advice when you’re a stranger, but when you’re in OPs shoes, opinions of parents mean a lot so easy to ask who the eff cares, but obviously parents, maybe grand parents, uncles etc so a lot of people to possibly offend by not naming him that.
helpful (0) 

I think when there is a name depute mum gets the final say, she grew the child. My partner didn't want to get married, I said that's ok but the kids are having my last name. He ummed and arred then we had our son. He suddenly insisted the child have his last name, I said no. I used my partner's last name as the middle name and my last name as last name. I thought he was ok with that as he signed the birth cert. It took him five years to realise.

 Thats just pathetic. You tried to emotionally blackmail him. How immature can you get its a child not a dog don't play your stupid little games with it. If neither of you could agree you should have hyphenated both names.
helpful (3) 
 I was happy to help use both names, but he refused. It's pathetic that it's assumed that the child gets the father's name. I told him before we had kids I wouldn't sign the birth certificate if my last name wasn't on it.
helpful (8) 
 How is that emotional blackmail, what was he being blackmailed into doing?
I went with the hyphen last name, but I just use my last name on forms etc.

helpful (1) 
 I never assumed your children should get his surname just because he is the father. My gripe was you sound just as bad, my way or the highway and no compromise. If he was dumb enough to not read the birth certificate properly surely you could have used both names as surname. You didn't care that he didn't want your surname used so why would you care about using both? And obviously you did quite a bit of lying for him to take 5 years to know what his own childrens surname was.
helpful (2) 
 Emotional blackmail - marry me or our kids don't get your last name.
helpful (2) 
 That's a compromise, being ok with not getting married but wanting to have the same last name as a child. I was with someone for years and he didn't want to get married, I said no kids until we are married. He went on and on about me using emotional blackmail, and trying to force him to do something he didn't want to do. I saw it as a sign of things to come and moved on. He still went on about it for months after we split up.
helpful (0) 
 Lol, we talked about getting married or not and I was ok with not getting married. I told him the child was going to have my last name, we could have both names on the birth certificate, but he hates hyphen names. He doesn't get the final say.
helpful (0) 
 But you were happy for yourself and your kids to take his name if you married?
helpful (1) 
 That is not a compromise, it's a threat.
helpful (2) 
 Agree and your in the wrong lady. I feel sorry for
Some of the men who are stuck with you lot. Reading just a couple of posts on this site makes me wonder how men don’t have worse depressions than they do because they’re treated like absolute shit, or disposable sperm donors.

helpful (5) 
 You weren't just reading a couple of posts, you are on here all day everyday arguing with everyone. You write several comments on each thread pretending to be different people and immediately like your own comments. I only come on here to see what you have written. If you stop being such a bitch, you might have real friends and won't need to spend so much time on here. Please get help.
helpful (0) 
 ...who are you replying too?
helpful (1) 
 OMG yes. You mean the chick on the telling her partner she miscarried one. She needs a good root.
helpful (3) 
 Yes her and the supporters all have issues I think!
helpful (1) 
 I don't think there is anything wrong with telling someone what you want. They can say no. It's better to be honest about what you want in the beginning. I didn't let my husband make all the decisions, we compromised.
I actually got pregnant by accident, we had only been together six months. He didn't want to get married, because he had bought a house several years before. We are from England and the separation laws are different, unless you are married you don't get a settlement if you split up. I didn't want to put myself in a situation where I would had to rely on him financially, incase the relationship didn't work. I chose not to move in with him, and continued to work. He wanted me to move in and be a sahm. I couldn't take the risk of losing my career and having nothing if we split.

helpful (0) 

My husband doesn't like the name, but feels we have to use it. It will cause a huge drama if we don't use the name. I have said I will use it as his middle name, just not his first name. I'm not saying the father can't have a say, but I have to agree. I wish my husband had told me on the first date, I would have told him no.

 Just say no!
helpful (1) 
 I have, but I can't send off the birth certificate until he signs it. I told him I might have to leave him off if it's not signed soon .
helpful (0) 

My father in laws middle name is James. My husbands middle name is James. When I had our son his family suggested we middle name him James and start a tradition. I said no. It wasn’t a tradition that had a meaning, they just thought they could start one. If I had, then my son would feel pressure to middle name his son James, and it would go on and on for no real reason. Anyway, they were ok with my decision. Call your son what YOU’D like.

 Did you just say no because thats what they wanted? James isn't a bad middle name, probably should have been up to the Dad.
helpful (1) 
 James is so bloody common. No way I would agree to that
helpful (1) 
 Its a middle nsme though nobody uses it. I can barely remember my kids muddle names 😂
helpful (2) 
 Yar middle
helpful (0) 
 No, I did not say no just because they suggested it. Not everybody hates their in laws and does things to spite them. What a stupid thing to ask. My husband and I BOTH did not want James as it is so common and we loved other names. Again, a stupid assumption that I wouldn’t let my husband have a say.
helpful (2) 
 Sorry, there was just a lot of 'I' in your response which gives off the vibe you made the decision by yourself. You also made no mention of not liking the name, only the tradition they were wanting to start.
helpful (0) 
 Also 'my decision', not our decision
helpful (0) 

My husband said the same. He wanted Garrett after his grand father. Oh hell no. I pushed that thing out. So we decided it would be middle name. Then she came out a girl so all was fine Hahaha.

 LUCKY she was a girl 🤣🤣🤣🤣
helpful (0) 

Did you know this naming tradition before getting pregnant? I don't think a child should be named something both parents can't agree on. I think having it as a middle name is a good compromise but you might be in for a tough battle. Would you consider having it as his first name but calling him by his second name or a nick name?

OP I knew when I was pregnant with my daughter, and I told them no then too. I'm not a fan of using a Nick name, too many people will still use his first name.
helpful (0) 

Stick to your guns

 I did. I used it as the middle name.
helpful (0) 

We gave the name (oliver) and call him OT (oliver thomas).

Very common for children to go by a middle name. You can write it as their name for school purposes too. I know at least five people in my close group who’s name is not actually their first name. Just look at Megan markle as a current example, her name is actually Rachel Meghan Markle

 And her husbands name is actually Henry not Harry.

I’ve been with my hubby for 15 years. I only recently discovered that his mum goes by her middle name not her first name. It really isn’t that uncommon. My grandmother did the same thing. Nobody she knew had any clue. School forms always ask for preferred name, so op shouldn’t worry everyone will automatically call him by his official first name not middle name.

helpful (0) 
 I don't see the point in giving your child a name that you don't like or intend on using.
helpful (4) 
 It’s a compromise. Surely father has some say?
helpful (2) 
 My husband made me agree to thr name of our first born son our first date because he was so set on carrying on the name tradition he didnt want to fall in love with a woman who wouldn't agree to it.
Perhaps your husband should have adopted the same measure....

If its seriously important to him that it be carried on i feel it be absolutely horrible to deny that.

If its just his family and not him then who gives a f what they say.

helpful (1) 
 It would have completely freaked me out if someone brought up baby names on the first date
helpful (1) 
 He was 31 on our first date. He wasnt saying he wanted to have a kid with me next week and name it ___ he told me that one day he definitely wanted children and if he has a son he wants to name it ____ and explained why. Then said he was telling me this from the get go because it was so important to him he didnt want to fall in love with someone who wasnt agreeable to that.

We were both dating with the express purpose to find a spouse not dating just cause or to see what happens. so maybe something to do with it but i wasn't phased by it. I just said ok thats cool if its that important to you and we just carried on with rest of date (we sat there chatting til it closed haha over 3 hrs)

helpful (0) 

Has no one learnt anything from Meghan Markle this wkend?

How many people in your extended family have this name? Doesn't it get confusing having people named to same thing in the same family (we have people that have married into the family that have the same name and it gets confusing😂)? If you don't like the name, is there a variation of the name that you could use that you like?

Do what you want. What a strange tradition anyway, I get the grandfather or father thing but Uncle? Why is that a tradition? I say go with what you and your husband want. My Mum broke tradition, she was supposed to name me after her, was actually a pretty long line of eldest daughters with the same name but she hates it with a passion so didn't want to name her kid that! Which is fair enough. Funny thing about it is I actually like the name 😂.